We are continuing on with the 30 Day Blog Post Challenge. Growing up. What can I say…not exactly my favorite subject to talk/write about. I know that I am not alone in this. To those also on this path (if anyone ever reads this), I am with you in solidarity for healing.
I grew up in a small town in Upstate New York. I know that totally narrows it down, because basically anything north of NYC is Upstate. Hahaha! When I go back now, it’s like time stood still. It’s always gray, and the buildings are different shades of bland. It reminds me of the scenes in movies of when people are reliving or having memories. I feel like every time I go back it’s reliving memories. I feel pretty far removed from that time in my life…so I always feel like there is a disconnect when I go. Like…I never lived there and the only reason why it’s familiar is because I have some family that lives there. I know…confusing right? No one said I was good communicator. As soon as I graduated high school, I went away to college. The first one was a little further upstate and then I transferred to a college in Tennessee.
Just like now. I had friends, but never connected with anyone one person for a long time. Some of it was because we moved a ton…not necessarily out of the same town, but out of one school area to another. This trend continues into adulthood. I don’t have any real connections to people now. I mean I have people I know and hang out with, but I don’t know that I have any deep/close connection with them.
Thinking about this blog, I realize now that growing up, school was trying to prepare me for adulthood, and I don’t mean in the way of learning how to share, times tables, and apreciating art. I mean it more in needing to learn how to play “the game”. The game where apparently everyone knew the rules to but me. I came from a single parent home, and that single parent didn’t make a whole lot of money. We had some help and my parent did everything they could to help me and my sibling, but it still was not super easy. I was more aware of the struggles than my sibling was. They have mostly flew through life. Not to say that they didn’t have struggles or struggle now, but relatively easy compared to others. Anyway….I digress…
The game. You know what game I am talking about, the privilege sect, the popular sect, the pretty sect, the rebel sect, the band sect. Apparently one person is supposed to fall into one of those categories and keep that going throughout life. I didn’t have the ability. I had my times that I enjoyed, I got rebellious, and I was even in extracurricular activities. Nothing stuck. I wanted to be who I was/am. I wasn’t any one thing. I had friends in different sects that I couldn’t bring together, because…ya know…the politics of student life. I never learned how to play the game. My mom always told me that I needed to learn. Work life was hard because of that, especially when I knew something was unjust and spoke out…apparently I wasn’t supposed too.
Over all growing up was an interesting time. A lot of it was fun, some of it was terrible, and still some were traumatizing. I don’t remember a lot of it and what I do remember is a balance of all those bits of fun, terribleness, and trauma. Isn’t that was growing up supposed to be? Isn’t it supposed to make us well rounded adults? Hahahaha!!